


Into the Sun

by DoctorsOrders



Category: Star Trek, Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Communication Failure, Established Bones/Spock, Established Relationship, Feelings, Feelings of Inadequacy, M/M, Miscommunication, Misunderstandings, No Smut, Polyamory, Polyamory Negotiations, Requited Unrequited Love, So much talking, Talking
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-12
Updated: 2017-07-12
Packaged: 2018-12-01 05:18:48
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,500
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11479434
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DoctorsOrders/pseuds/DoctorsOrders
Summary: How he managed to fall in love with not one, but two, of the most stubborn humans in the galaxy is a mystery even to Spock himself.





	Into the Sun

**Author's Note:**

> Welcome to what happens when I mess up my sleep schedule and just keep writing shit for days.  
> This is completely self-indulgent, and I'm just posting in the hopes that someone else also wants it.

For all his quirks, at least Spock had some measure of tact. Leonard had just sat down to take his boots off after an objectively boring day. He liked boring days, it meant no one had died. Boring was just about the best he could hope for in space. 

  
Spock appeared seemingly out of nowhere, sitting down next to him. It was one of his infuriating traits, he could move like a phantom. 

 

Leonard clutched at his chest. “Damnit Spock, warn a man.” 

 

“I apologize.” 

 

Leonard waived his hand dismissively getting up and walking to the replicator. “Coffee: hot, strong, black.” He looked over at Spock, “Anything for you?” 

 

Spock shook his head. 

 

He plunked back down on the couch with the mug, leaning into Spock a bit, appreciating the disaster free day. 

 

“Leonard,” Spock started, putting a hand on his knee. 

 

“Yes, darlin’?” said before taking a long gulp of the replicated coffee.

 

Spock hesitated for a moment. It was very unlike him, and Leonard glanced up to catch sight of his scrunched brow.

 

"I know I cannot 'take this back', but I feel that it is not fair to keep it from you."

 

"You can't keep anything from me anyway," Leonard quipped back easily.

 

Spock sighed, straightening his back minutely. ”I believe I have feelings for Jim."

 

Leonard's stomach sank and he almost dropped his mug. He couldn't pretend he'd misunderstood, Spock had left no room for interpretation in his statement. The room felt like it was spinning just a bit. It wasn't as though Leonard _hadn’t_ seen their closeness on the bridge, but he'd dismissed it, he'd had to because that wasn't something Spock would do to him. 

 

It was so easy to fall in love with Jim, his wide grin, his easy touches, the way Jim looked at you with those unsettlingly blue eyes, enraptured with your every word. Leonard knew _all_ about falling for Jim. 

 

He knew what Jim's skin felt like under his when he was wrapped in liquor's warm embrace. He knew how Jim moaned and sighed. But Leonard had never had Jim. Not the way he'd wanted. He'd never had Jim sober, sunlight caressing them. No soft touches in the light of day, always frantic—always _desperate_. So he'd never _had_ Jim. And Jim had never indicated he wanted more, never once. They hadn't talked about it, and Jim loved to talk, so Jim hadn't loved Leonard, not like that anyway.

 

"Of course you do," Leonard heard his voice saying without his permission.

 

It clearly wasn't what Spock had been expecting, the furrow in brows deepening in a way Leonard knew meant he was completely baffled. 

 

"I did not say this because I wish to end our relationship," Spock said carefully, perhaps thinking Leonard had misunderstood his intention. "I wanted to ascertain how you would feel about inviting him to share time with us."

 

Leonard knew his mouth must be hanging open, but he didn't know what to say. Didn't know if he remembered how to move. 

 

"Intimately," Spock added, as though that hadn't been clear. 

 

Still he couldn't find his voice. Couldn’t figure out what to say, let alone, how to say it. His head hurt, his heart hurt. He managed to put the half empty mug down on the table so he could stop white-knuckling it.

 

"Leonard, a response is customary during verbal conversations."

 

For all his griping Spock liked his chatter, and Leonard knew he was being anything but chatty now. 

 

Finally after several deep breaths, Leonard forced a string of words off his tongue. ”I don't think he'll agree to that Spock." 

 

"That is not what I am asking. I want to know how _you_ feel about what I am proposing. I understand you and Jim have 'history', and I know many humans do not have multiple partners concurrently. If you do not want this, you simply need to ask me not to bring it up again. I love you Leonard, please do not believe this changes that."

 

Leonard still didn't quite know what to say. This was Spock. He'd never considered them casual. Spock had never wanted them to be casual. He knew if he told Spock to drop it, he would, but Leonard would always know what he had wondered about…what he’d wanted. Spock had used the earth saying correctly, he couldn't take it back. 

 

Leonard would have been lying to himself if he said he didn't still have feelings for Jim. He’d have been an even bigger liar if he’d said he didn't miss their drunken encounters. It had never been enough for Leonard but it had been _something,_ and he’d needed something. There was no use hiding it, the mind meld didn't leave much room for secrets. Spock had undoubtably seen the memories flash around at some point or another. He loved Spock, really loved him, but that didn’t mean his unrequited feeling for Jim had entirely vanished. He'd never seen any flashes of this from Spock, this was a recent development, and Spock hadn't tried to keep it from him.  

 

"I will welcome anything you have to say," Spock said, snapping Leonard back to the moment. There was a tension in the way his hands were folded, an unusual rigidity to his posture. Who knew Leonard could make a Vulcan so nervous?

 

"I also understand if this is unacceptable to you, and have prepared myself for the possibility you may wish to terminate our relationship." 

 

Well, _that_ certainly sent a chill down his spine. 

 

This was obviously important enough to Spock to bring up despite knowing there was a possibility that was what Leonard would want. Were he at a different place in his life, he might have objected. If it had been anyone else but Spock—asking about _Jim—_ he would have been crushed. But _god,_ he loved Spock and he wanted both of them to be happy. Leonard sighed. He couldn't not answer forever, both of them knew that. 

 

"I don't want to end our relationship."

 

Spock swallowed, it was an almost inconsequential movement but the relief was clear.

 

"It's selfish, but I'm a jealous man, I've never pretended otherwise, I can't stand the thought of you being with him without me.” Leonard shook his head, trying to clear that thought, “Jim would have to want to be with both of us, and I just don't think he'll want that. And if by some odd chance he does...it can't just be sex. I need more than that, I’m too old and bitter for frivolity."

 

Spock took his hand and kissed it gently. “Thank you. I know I have put a strain on what we have. I have thought about this a great deal. Had this been a passing thought I would not have mentioned it."

 

Leonard’s head hurt. ”I know Spock."

 

"You still seem…apprehensive,” he said as he studied Leonard’s face.

 

"He doesn't love me. He doesn't want me like that. I'm not blind, I've seen how he looks at you.” Leonard pushed his thumb and his index finger to his closed eyes, and tried desperately to stop his lip from quivering. “I’m scared of what will happen when you find out he loves you, what will happen to us."

 

"I am not 'blind' either, Leonard. Please entertain the possibility you are mistaken about his feelings towards you." 

 

Leonard scoffed, "I don't think so darlin'."

 

"Should my assessment be incorrect, I still wish to stay with you, however, it is unlikely I am incorrect. I have no intention of leaving you.“ 

 

"I don't know why,” Leonard said woefuly, “Jim's a lot prettier—younger—a lot more impressive, than me." 

 

"I do not love him the way I love you,” Spock reassured. He pulled Leonard’s hand away from his forehead, holding both of them in his own. “You are quite accomplished, and I find you aesthetically pleasing.” 

 

Leonard had to laugh, “Vulcans don’t lie, right?” 

 

“We do not.” 

 

—

 

"Should I talk to Jim alone or would you like to be present for the conversation?” Spock asked sometime later when Leonard had calmed down further.

 

It was a bit cowardly, but Leonard couldn't do it. He couldn’t listen to Jim say he wasn't interested right to his face. "I can't get rejected in person again."

 

Spock sighed, "I do not have to do this if it will cause you pain, Leonard.”

 

"No, no, I'm sorry. _I'm sorry_.” Leonard shook his head, “I just need you to talk to him without me."

 

———

 

Spock reached out, covering Jim's hand with his own. It was a very human gesture, he did not like excessive touching, as rogue feelings often rushed his body, but he thought Jim would appreciate it. 

 

As expected, he was flooded with a sense of embarrassment, arousal, excitement, and a tinge of confusion. Spock pushed the wave away calmly as he waited for Jim's response. It seemed that these days, he was left waiting while others could not find the correct words with an alarming frequency.

 

"You both want that?" Jim finally asked, his mouth hanging open a little.

 

"Yes, Jim. My feelings for you are strikingly similar to how I felt about Leonard in the beginning." 

 

He smiled, ”Without all the frustrations though?"

 

"Do not 'put words in my mouth’."

 

"He's rubbing off on you."

 

Spock watched while Jim chewed his lip. "I thought you were flirting with me,” Jim mused, “But I thought I had to be wrong, because you have Bones..."

 

"You reciprocated."

 

"I know, I'm such an _asshole_." He stared at the wall for a moment. "Bones wants this? Are you sure?" 

 

Spock did _not_ roll his eyes, he was immeasurably grateful for his Vulcan heritage, humans had so much doubt. Spock didn’t know how he kept finding himself drawn to them.

 

“I will assure you he does, however, Leonard believes you have no interest in him." 

 

Jim looked downright offended. “That’s not—“

 

"I told him that was not the case, I hope I was correct."

 

" _How_ could he think that?" Jim squeezed the bridge of his nose, "Why would he think that?" 

 

”I will not speak for him on that account. Should I take this to mean you would be interested in pursuing a romantic relationship between the three of us?"

 

"Yes. God, yes,” Jim answered immediately.

 

Spock felt a deep relief settle over him. “You will speak to Leonard?"

 

“Yeah, we can—”

 

"You should speak to him without me,” Spock said reluctantly. He could think of at least forty-eight reasons why he _should_ be present while they spoke, but he knew it would do nothing but damage Leonard’s ego and he had no desire to do so. “I understand you have ‘history’."

 

Jim gulped as though maybe he hadn’t know Spock had know. “Yeah, yeah I'll talk to him."

 

———

 

Jim rocked on his heels for a second, lingering in the doorway to his own command room where he’d asked Bones to meet him. 

 

“Hi.” 

 

"Hi, Jim." 

 

They both stared, silently, trying to assess the other. Jim could see Bones wasn’t going to talk until he did. 

 

"I talked to Spock."

 

"And?"

 

" _And?_ Bones...I don't even know what to say. How could you think…?" he trailed. _How could you think I don’t love you?_ He couldn’t say that, it was entirely too much too soon.

 

Leonard shook his head, exhaling sharply. ”I told him you wouldn't want to. I _told_ him, jesus, I'm _sorry_. Please don't let this ruin our friendship, Jim you have no idea—“

 

"Hold up the fuck up, Bone _s_. You think I said no?” Jim’s voice raised a few decibels. 

 

Bones stared at him blankly. ”Didn’t you?"

 

" _No!_ Spock said you had some idea that I wouldn't want to. Bones…you thought about us? You thought I didn't want to be with you?"

 

Bones sputtered. He started several syllables each crashing into the next until he finally gave up, his eyes burning with words he couldn’t seem to say. 

 

"We...we fucked so many times. I kept waiting for you to kiss me in the morning. To tell me you wanted more than drunk sex, but you never did,” Jim said softly. “I spent so much time wondering what the _fuck_ we were doing, and I always came to the conclusion you didn't want me when you were sober. That I was a mistake. I had to stop because i couldn't stand thinking I was a mistake. You meant too much to me.”

 

"You better be pulling my leg,” Bones said humorlessly, he looked a little angry. “James Tiberius Kirk you better joking."

 

Jim flinched like Bones had hit him. " _Why_ would I joke about that? That would be a sick joke."

 

" _You_ didn't want _me_ sober. You wouldn't look at me in the morning. Wouldn't talk about it. You kissed more lifeforms in front of me than I ever have in my life. I wanted you, _Jim_. I wanted you so badly. I didn’t think there was a chance in hell you wanted me.“

 

Jim kicked non-existent dirt around for a moment on the floor. "I wanted to make you jealous," he finally admitted. 

 

"Well it goddamn worked."

 

"Clearly, it didn't."

 

"Are you telling me we both side stepped this issue for _four_ years? That we're both too pigheaded to admit what we wanted?” Bones said, his hands balled up in fists by his side.

 

Jim looked at him wide-eyed. “Seems like it."

 

There was a prolonged silence where Bones couldn't seem to look away from the floor and Jim was going mad with the ringing in his ears. 

 

"Do you love me?” 

 

"I always have,” Leonard answered just above a whisper.

 

"But you love Spock." It wasn't a question.

 

“Yes,” he said without hesitation. 

 

"And Spock might love me?” Jim mused.

 

“He does. I can tell he does.”

 

"So...we're really going to do this? The three of us?"

 

"I hope so."

 

Jim grinned. He kissed Bones excitedly, nothing passionate or slow, just a slightly inappropriate habit he'd picked up from Gaila. 

 

"Can I kiss you, Bones?" Jim asked when he pulled back, his lips hovering close enough that he could still feel Bones’ breath on his. 

 

Bones raised his eyebrow, ”You just did."

 

"No, can I _really_ kiss you?”

 

—

 

As much as Leonard wanted that, and he wanted it desperately, he'd been so strict earlier when talking to Spock. It felt dishonest—cruel—to be a hypocrite now, and he wasn't either of those.

 

Leonard shook his head. "Not because I don't want to," he added quickly at the way Jim's face fell. "It's not fair if we do it now. I don’t want anymore miscommunication.”

 

Jim bit at his own grinning mouth, "Do you want to watch me kiss Spock?"

 

“Yes," Leonard laughed. He did very much want that.

 

"Bones...I can't even tell you how many nights I've thought about you and him, how fucking jealous I've been, how lonely."

 

"You're shameless."

 

"You love it."

 

**Author's Note:**

> ~~I hope I'm writing Spock okay, I'm really trying~~
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> Comments/feedback of any kind is appreciated! (:


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